I’m fully aware of the negative impact of divorce, how the divorce rate in the Church is no less than that of the world, and of the sanctity of marriage.  I’ve even felt the affects of divorce in my own life, with my parents getting divorced when I was 6 months old.  And, my dad is in his 3rd marriage while my mom just ended her 3rd.  So, I know the facts and feelings that come as a child.  Thankfully my wife and I have been happily married now for 8 1/2 yrs.  Hasn’t always been easy, our feelings (key word) have wavered for each other at times, but divorce is not an option for us.

But what about people throwing a “divorce fair” for those desiring to leave their spouses?  A big convention with lawyers, counselors, astrologists and lifestyle coaches to help people leave their “loved ones.”  Probably smart business, but this could be a major moral issue – at least from a biblical perspective.

No wonder so many college-age people are freaked out about marriage…and have distorted views of what it means to be married?  This is a major reason why we ought to be giving a different perspective, a biblical and godly one.  Imagine if this was my only view of myself?  I wouldn’t want anything to do with that image of myself.  Know what I mean?

I read an article entitled, “50 ways to leave your lover: unhappy couples get advice, cake at Britain’s first divorce fair.”  Organizer Suzy Miller said the event would aim to focus on the positive, starting with a warming cup of tea and a chunk of homemade cake. Musicians will play live and there will be play areas for kids. They will have psychics who would offer to heal people’s minds and bodies, and one company suggests boosting finances by selling a healthy version of chocolate, she said.  Many of the 30 or so exhibitors, who have paid up to 1,600 pounds ($2,245) for a stall, plan to focus on having fun.  ”Sometimes people just need someone to talk to,” said exhibitor Martina Mercer-Hall, who uses astrology and alternative therapies to advise on designing one’s home after divorce.

If you’re working with college-age people who are thinking about relationships (which every one of them is at some level), this might be a good small group discussion to have.  They probably don’t desire to get married anytime soon, but its certainly on the back of their mind…if not the middle.  Printing this article and discussing it could be a great small group this week.  Maybe ask some of the following GENERAL questions:

1. What role, if any should the Church have in something like this?
2. How do you think this affects societies view of marriage?  
3. How do you think astrology fits into this conference?

And/or you can ask some more SPECIFIC questions:

1. How has divorce affected you personally? 
2. How has divorce affected your view/feelings of marriage?
3. Do you think there are any reasons a Christian could be conscience free in getting a divorce?  Do you have any Scripture that gives you that idea?

Spring time is a great time of year to talk through the topic of relationships.  In college ministry I discussed this in a series at least once a year.  If you want a couple resources to assist you thinking through communicating a biblical view of relationships specifically to college-age people click here.  

In case you’re wondering we are working on a resource on dealing with homosexuality in your college ministry as well.  Stay tuned for that…it’s coming!

Yesterday I was sitting in a Starbucks by my house, working on my message for this coming week.  I turned my head around and noticed a man in a wheelchair.  It was a heavy duty motorized chair and he had it reclined – laying down in it.  Never seen that before. 

I began to talk with him.  His name is Steve and he told me his story.  Well, a little of it.  Enough of it.

 Drunk driving 4 years ago put him in the wheelchair.  His truck flipped 4 times, each time collapsing down on him.  He was in a coma for 3 months, had multiple surgeries, and doesn’t remember anything.  This was all told to him by those around him – doctors, family, etc.

After waking up from the coma, his wife told him it was too much for her and she was going to divorce him.  This was after 18 years of marriage.  A tragedy. 

At one point I asked Steve when the last time he laughed was.  He replied, “not sure, it’s a rare thing these days.” 

Later I asked him if he has hope.  He replied, “I’m not sure I really know what that is.” 

Sobering moment.  

At that point his legs began to shake uncontrollably.  He asked if I could help him move the straps that were around his calves up to his knees.  I did.  His legs stopped bouncing.

He lives in a home that gives him 24/7 care, just down the street from the Starbucks.  He says he goes there just about every day to get a cup of coffee.  This is how he spends the $30 a month he receives from disability.  He says it’s a “taste of sanity” for him each day.

Steve seems to be a good guy, bitter and angry in ways, but an overall good guy.  He’s certainly lonely and I’m sure he could use a friend.

I met Steve at 3:30pm yesterday. So, today at 3:30 I’ll be at the same coffee shop, hoping to see him.  I think this is the beginning of a great relationship.  

I’m also thinking that this might be a new opportunity for the ministry of my church.  I can think of at least 4 college-age people in my church that would love to spend time with the people that live in this home with Steve.  I’ll be looking deeper into this and talking to some people this week…

In all my writing (books/articles/blogs) and in most of the seminars I’ve done I in some way have mentioned the idea of behavior management.  My heart and thinking is for us to critically consider the affects of this on the development of a personal faith in kids as they grow up in our churches.  I think there is a fine line (that may be appropriate to walk at times) between focusing on the personal faith of an individual and their immediate behavioral response.

Some of the dangers of focusing on behavior too much is that our kids learn Christianity as Law – which Christ fulfilled for us.  And once in college most will rebel against this idea of Christianity.  As believers there are biblically appropriate and inappropriate roads to walk on or down.  But its when we focus on these roads of behavior rather than on the belief behind the actions that people tend to detach.  

To take this a step further, and in ways deeper into our educational models, what about extrinsic motivation?  How might us awarding kids with prizes of sort in our churches for proper behavior (or even memorization) affect their long-term faith development?  To be as practical as I can, what are the real long term affects of us throwing candy to children who know the verse we’re asking about?  Or even a step further, how might this affect the kids that don’t know the verse and aren’t extrinsically awarded?

There’s an interesting article in the NY Times on this idea in education in general.  It’s called, “Rewards for Students Under a Microscope” and has some interesting thoughts and debates on extrinsic motivation.  I think critiquing our approach to education is crucial in any regard – and this article might get some juices flowing for you.  It’s at least worth a skim read – especially if you work with kids in addition to leading a college ministry.

I came across a website you should check out: iamsecond.com  It’s a website that highlights the testimonies of celebrity type people.  Brian Welch used to be in the band called Korn – certainly not a Christian band.  His story totally stood out to me and there is a video you ought to watch!  Click here to see that.  He was on top of the music world and then made a massive turn around.  VERY interesting story and could be something you show at a small group or pass along to your students.  Most will know of Korn…if you don’t.

A couple things to keep at the front of your mind if you’re looking for training opportunities for college ministry:

1. CollegeLeader Regional Training: March 31st I will be doing an event hosted by Saddleback. Click here for details on this event or other cities as well.
2. Drink Conference: if you register for Drink before March 31st you get the BEST deal, by far.  Conference, meals, and lodging for $119!!!!!  Crazy.  Click here for details.  When registering use the discount code “earlybird09” to get the discount.

Last Thursday morning I left for New York City. We did a quick blitz of all the sites: Time Square (our hotel was here), Central Park, Trump Tower (pic), Rockefeller Center (pic), 5th Ave., went to the top of the Empire State bldg. at night (pic above), saw ground zero (pic), statue of Liberty, NY stock exchange and Wall St….and all of that in less than 24hrs.

Typically when I travel I go to Portland airport an hour before my flight leaves, go through security, wait, and board the plane – finding my seat in coach somewhere. But not this time. Oh, not even close.

I pulled into a private hanger and parked my car. And this is the plane I took! Yep, private jet. I want to make this clear: this was NOT a speaking event, nor is this normal for me (in ANYWAY!). Nevertheless, we happen to have friends that know some very wealthy people…who have a private jet and had a business trip in NYC – and we were able to tag along for the ride. Someone has to do it, right?

Anyway, we boarded the plane, and got comfortable – check out the inside…

Now, talk about a “date” with my wife. Who wouldn’t take this opportunity to take their spouse to NYC!?. It was incredible, and totally relaxing. No jet lag on this flight my friends. On the way back I even sprawled out on the couch (see above) and took an hour nap. Crazy experience, for sure. But two things really made this an experience that will forever stick in my mind.

First, on the way back into Portland I got to sit with the pilot and co-pilot as they landed the plane. This gave me a very different perspective, for sure. I listened into traffic control as well. Of course I didn’t understand a word of what they were saying. Nevertheless it was a very cool experience and something I’ll surely never forget.

Secondly, and this is where the irony really comes in. Thursday morning after eating a first class meal on a private jet somewhere over the Dakota’s, I took out my computer to get some work done. This was a last minute trip so I had to work on my message for Sunday (yesterday). All of the sudden it hit me…I’m preparing this message on a first class private jet and the passage I’m speaking on is about injustice and oppression. Whoa, talk about the swing of a pendulum…

At Group Publishing’s, Simply Youth Ministry conference this past weekend there were some videos that were very funny.  The first is a music video about youth ministry. Jake is a genius with this stuff. The second one is a hilarious announcement video. Again, Jake is a GREAT sport! Holy Cow.

I’m sitting down at Ava for my weekly hang out time with Trent.  If you aren’t familiar with Trent, he’s a college-age guy in my church and we hang out once a week…and recently started posting a blog each time we hang out.  So, today I asked him a question:

“If you could tell pastors/leaders in the church one thing about people your age, what would it be?”  He replied…

“No matter how “cool” people our age might act or seem, we want to be a part of what’s going on.”

I asked him to explain a little further and he went on to say, “Sometimes I feel somewhat disconnected as the ’single college student’.  I just want to be connected to people regardless of social boundaries or walks of life – no matter married, single, older, younger.”

Then I asked him, “Why?”  He replied (by the way, I asked him as I wrote that and I’m waiting for his reply): “Because people from different walks of life have different perspectives on things.  People in our age-stage go through similar things and consequently have the same perspective.  I would just like to get more variety in perspective, but more than that I would like to find more wisdom from other people because of their experiences and observations.”

Again, I asked, “Why?” (Now Trent is laughing and said, “oh no…hmmhmhhhhfffmmm.”)  So I clarified, “What do you think this brings to your life…what’s in it for you?”  Ok, he’s stumped a bit…wait a second….

Trent said, “Sometimes I feel like my life is in a vicious cycle and my thoughts/resources limit me to that cycle.  So, it helps to gain fresh perspective on the issues of my life.”

Ok, now VERY brief commentary.  I have “preached” the idea for years now of the importance of exposing and connecting people like Trent to older mature believers in our churches.  This is our responsibility.  This blog was NOT planned and I did not put words/thoughts into Trent’s mind prior to writing this out.  And, no, he’s never heard me talk about that in a seminar.  However, he just chimed in and told me he has heard me talk about that in our college ministry in the past.  

I know your college-age friends have the same thoughts/feelings about this.  So, the question is…what are you going to do about it?  Leave them hanging?  Naw, you’re way smarter than that…

Trents says, “hhhmmhhhmfffhmmm….”

I’m sitting at the Columbus airport, ready to catch a plane back home. I can’t wait to see my family. But, I thought I’d let you in on some of the things I was a part of. If you followed on Twitter you caught some, but here you’ll be able to see more.

Thursday: left home at 10 am PST, arrived at the hotel in Columbus at 1 am EST. Long day.

Affinity Groups. I began Friday with an affinity group team meeting at 9am before hanging out with my friend Tony Hall. Affinity groups were a great part of the conference. Got to sit around with others in college ministry and discuss life in ministry together. We met twice a day and had some meals together. It was fun.

Panels. I sat on one panel alongside Rick Lawrence and Kurt Johnston and we discussed “the state of youth ministry today.” It was fun, interactive, and insightful. Those guys have some very good thoughts in this regard, for sure. Sorry, I forgot to take a picture. But, we had two of these discussions, each time having a full room of people.  We took Q&A, which led to GREAT conversation.

Another panel I sat on was one for bloggers.  Man, did I feel like an idiot!  I don’t have a clue when it comes to “techie” stuff, and this is what this was about.  Frankly, I didn’t even know if I should’ve been on the panel.  On the other hand, I think having me as the “token tech idiot” was good for some in the room who were just like me.  Sometimes it’s encouraging to know that you’re not the only one that doesn’t have a clue – and yet can still blog.  To the left is Josh Griffin leading this panel.

Seminars. I did an 8 hour track with Kara Powell (left picture) on “preparing teenagers for life after youth group.” Nice how the picture makes me look fat too.  Weird.  Anyway, it was fun to do with her and to have discussion with everyone that came. Having 8 hrs together really helped to dive much deeper in discussion. The round tables really helped with discussion too! I met some really cool people! I included a pic of the room right before a session began as well. I also did a condensed version of our track this morning in an hour and a half. Very difficult to do, but I think it went ok. I also took about 45 minutes afterwards for Q&A. It was fun, and I think fruitful.

Main sessions. I had this time to rest, for the most part. I enjoyed going and listening to the messages and seeing some of the videos. There was a very funny video shown last night – hilarious music video about youth ministry. Jake is a stud!  Once I get ahold of that I’ll post it.

Hanging out. Throughout the conference people asked to hang out for a bit to discuss life, ministry, or just to connect. I love this part! I had the privilege of sitting down with some phenomenal people! This conference has many of them – for sure! Really fun. I think I had the chance to sit down with at least 10 different people individually – for coffee, a meal, or just grabbing a sack chair in the lobby!

Watch this very brief video of Obama sharing about his desire to be financially transparent.  We can think what we want about him and his plans for our country, but if he upholds this promise it’s a GREAT thing.  A greater concern for me however is the fact that the Church is not financially transparent.  For instance, why don’t we know how much our pastors makes?  Why is it a secret?  Why is it awkward for us to talk about how much we make from the church? Maybe we’d say its not a “secret,” but why then don’t we publicize it?  In my opinion financial transparency in the church is crucial.  This, to me, would halt much of the skepticism and exemplify biblical principles much more effectively.  But the bottom line is I just wish we would be more open in the church with our finances…