Subscribe to the NetworkThe Pain of Divorce
I’m sitting here in a great little coffee shop in Portland. I come here often – it’s about 1 mile from my house. I come here on colder days because there’s a fireplace with leather chairs around it and I love sitting in front of the fire writing, reading, working on messages, etc. Of course today there’s someone sitting in my seat – so I’m eavesdropping on his emails…you know what they say about paybacks.
All that aside, this morning was a painful time for me. My immediate family is doing great, but I can’t say the same for the rest. My mom just left her 3rd husband and is trying to justify it as being God’s plan for her. There’s nothing more frustrating for me than hearing her justify her actions this way.
My sister has been having marital issues for a while, but I just found out that she is separating from her husband, leaving her 4 year old daughter distraught as to which clothes she’s going to leave at daddy’s house and which will she bring to mommy’s. This little girl is completely confused and even though her parents think they’re protecting her heart, the fact is they aren’t. They’re seeking the selfishness and arrogance of their own.
I’ve told them this in as loving way as I know how. I no longer know what to say.
Many college-age people have this type of life experience and suffer from a tweaked view of marriage. They were that little girl (or boy) at one point. They’re now gun-shy, afraid, and in fear of making the wrong choice in a spouse. But, although these feelings and emotions are real, they’re not from God. They are rooted in the sinful decisions of sinful people – not in confidence in God’s original design and intent for marriage.
If you work with college-age people, you MUST help them prepare their hearts and minds in the area of relationships, but more importantly God’s design for them. It starts with changing their thinking, giving them models to follow, and walking alongside them as they prepare themselves to be “the right person.” It’s much more effective than trying to “find the right person.”
If you need a resource on this, I have a 3 part sermon series I taught to those in my college ministry called, “Relationships by Design” and one on the book of Song of Songs that you may want to check out. But, whether or not you use these resources, we do have the responsibility of helping our college-age people in this area. Effectiveness in college ministry always includes helping people think through relationships from a biblical perspective.
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