Leading something, anything, is not easy. There are so many decisions to make, thoughts to guide, and directions to head. Over the last 15 years I’ve learned a lot about what it means to be a leader, ways to lead that are effective for me and those that aren’t. I’ve also learned the difference between what it means to be a leader versus a manager.

A manager, well, manages. They maintain what’s there. They iron any creases in the “fabric” of the ministry, make sure people are doing what they are supposed to do, but don’t necessarily see areas that need changing. They make decisions, but not necessarily ones that influence the long-term direction.

A leader is different. Leaders don’t like to maintain, they’re not afraid of change and even crave it. They put out fires and even cause some. They make decisions that guide people toward and through change…even when it hurts or people don’t understand. They don’t settle for what’s good, but constantly seek what’s best. And when they find something better, they’re not afraid of leaving “good” to head in that direction.

I also have learned one more little, but important, distinction between leaders and managers. They handle immediate pressures and needs differently. When we face immediate pressures or needs we have to make a decision. Manager’s revert back to past experience to see what they’ve done to relieve those pressures or meet those needs before. They then implement that same methodology…but often hang onto hope for a different result. And that never works.

On the other hand when leaders face immediate pressure or needs they don’t negate their experience, but they also don’t automatically revert back to what they’ve seen done or implemented themselves. They think bigger and in fact sometimes intentionally don’t look backwards. They ask what’s gained and what’s lost in this decision? Leaders protect the bigger vision by making sure they don’t do something that undermines what’s valued. And if necessary they try something they’ve never heard of…and are excited about it.

Do you have managers in leadership positions? If so, be careful. You might be expecting something that’s not going to come.

I’ve gotten a few emails lately regarding internships. Essentially they have been asking me what I focus on with my interns. Well, there is a whole slew of things that can happen in internships and if I’m honest every one is different. Every person is different. Every calling is unique. And every ministry is specific.

Having said that here are 5 general things I think internships ought to be about:

1. Helping people understand the heart of a spiritual leader. So many time we jump into assigning tasks, fulfilling details…and sometimes just ought right giving away the stuff we don’t want to do. When this is the case, we may miss the most important aspect of interning: getting a glimpse of the heart of a pastor.
2. Internships are about discovery. This is NOT limited to what they are good at and what they are not. For me the important thing is they discover how God uniquely uses them in the lives of other people. This is vital.
3. Internships are about exposure. They are about gaining exposure to different facets of the ministry and the church. In other words, making sure they get the bigger picture of the ministry and church. Way too often interns get stuck in a particular area of ministry, become a specialist in that area, but end up losing out on the bigger picture.
4. Internships are about formulating a philosophy. It’s about helping someone know understand what we do, why we do it, and how we go about it. But even more than that it’s helping someone develop their own philosophy of ministry…even if it disagrees with ours.
5. Internships are about development. It’s about developing the whole person, in every aspect of life. Internships also need to have measurements in all areas, where the intern is assessed. For some this might be formal, for others not at all. But the measurement of development is important.

Today I did a live chat with Reggie Joiner and we discussed ministry to college-age people. We discussed our upcoming book, The Slow Fade: Why You Matter In The Story Of Disappearing Twentysomethings and I answered some questions Reggie and others had. Anyway, here it is if you’re interested…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about stopping Twitter and Facebook. I’ve been wondering about a few different things, and facing some internal tensions. So, I thought I’d process some of those things here…honestly and openly.

For starters, I always feel weird tweeting about things I’m doing ministry wise. If I’m doing a radio show, a book releases, I post a new blog, I’m traveling and speaking somewhere….whatever, sometimes I just feel weird telling the world about it. The bottom line is I don’t know how it’s perceived and I’m not even sure everyone needs to know. Maybe it’s insecurity, maybe it’s authentic humility, maybe it’s a people pleasing aspect in me, maybe it’s a twisting of arrogance, or maybe I just over think it, but I often wonder: Do people think I’m just trying to promote myself? That thought haunts me. I know most people follow others SO THAT they know what’s going on, what’s out there, etc. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have tension in it.

The tension is very real. On one hand I think it’s good to let people know what’s available resource wise. I even get emails and DM’s from people thanking me for letting them know something is available. Sometimes people just comment about how it’s kind of cool keeping up on what’s going on in my life even though we hardly see each other. I know that’s the case for me with some people I follow. Nevertheless the tension exists.

Another tension I have is with people in my church reading about the things I do around the country. I want them to be aware of some of the things I’m doing – so they can be a part of it with me – but the truth is if they knew everything I do they might think I’m disconnected from what’s happening in our church. And that couldn’t be further from the truth! My ministry at Colossae and leading the people here is number one priority for me, without a doubt. That’s not a question in my or our elder’s minds…but sometimes I wonder what the people in my church think. I wonder too if they think I’m too busy for them.

That’s a haunting thought too.

I try to balance between 4 things in tweets: things about my family, random or funny stuff (at least things I think are funny), things happening in my church, and then those things with my ministry outside our church. But I wonder if it’s worth facing the tensions.

I’m going to continue for now, but I’m processing. Now I’m going to tweet this so people read it…

This week I will be doing 2 LIVE chats on the web that you might want to tune into to.

Today, Tuesday the 16th at 11 am PST / 2 pm EST I’ll be doing a radio interview with Remedy.fm. They tell me this can be downloaded Wednesday AM, the 17th by clicking here.

Thursday the 18th at 11 am PST / 2pm EST I will be doing a live chat with Reggie Joiner about our influence with college age people at www.MakingOfOrange.com. To join in simply go to the website! It’s that easy. Reggie and I recently finished a book together called, The Slow Fade: why you matter in the story of disappearing twentysomethings, so we’ll discuss that a bit as well as other aspects of ministry to college age people.

Should be fun…tune in if you can….

Just checked out a website called, DivorceRate.org and saw very interesting statistics:

64.2 % of women that get married at age 24 or younger will get divorced. 50.5 % of guys that get married at age 24 or younger will get divorced. According to this site it progressively gets lower percentages. For instance, the divorce rate for women who get married between ages 25-29 is only 16.4% and those who get married between ages 30-34 is only 8.4%.

The ages of 18-24 is clearly an identity formulation stage of life. Do you think that contributes to this?

Just a quick thought for today…

Working with college age people I’ve learned to differentiate between two things: providing a sense of belonging and giving acceptance. We tend to use the words belonging and acceptance interchangeably, but I’d like to encourage us to not do so. I think it’s an important distinction to make with anyone and especially college age people.

People desire to have a place of belonging. I don’t think they just want to be accepted.

When we speak of someone being “accepted,” it sort of implies the person isn’t where they should be in life, but is accepted despite their inadequacy. In other words, they aren’t up to par but we’ll accept them anyway. It’s almost like we’re accepting them now for who they might become later. However, to provide a sense of belonging is to say that they are loved and desired just as they are, right now. Who they are today belongs in what we’re doing. Having a sense of belonging means that they view themselves as crucial to the ministry, that they’re needed in that ministry, and that who they are brings something unique to it.

I think that’s very different than just being accepted.

College age people may not articulate the difference, but in my experience I’ve seen them feel it. Some might suggest this is a matter of semantics – and that might be the case. But, honestly, I’m not so sure.

I’ve been asking myself the question, “Do people truly feel like they belong in our church or do they feel like we’re just accepting them for the time being?” I think this is an important question to ask ourselves.

Here is an interesting program by Frontline called, “Digital Nation.” I’d recommend watching it as it brings a lot of understanding to what the internet world is doing in our world and how it is changing culture. Particularly, it begins by taking a look at MIT and college students and looks at the affects of the digital nation we’re educating people in. They have run numerous studies that I think are very interesting to look at!

As I’ve been thinking about meeting college age people where they are in life – and helping others do the same – one thing keeps popping out to me. Now, to boil everything down into any one thing can be dangerous, so I want to be careful here. I know this will be in many ways an over generalization, but, I don’t have an issue saying that the biggest question being asked by college age people is generally: What do I want?

With so many pressures on them to figure out what they are going to “do,” I’ve seen the path to finding this for college age people beginning with asking this question. So, my question for you is twofold:

1. Do you agree with this?
2. Either way, how have you helped college age people process through this question?

Ok, it’s been about 5 months since College Ministry 101 was released and I just saw this. How dumb am I? If you haven’t checked out the book yet, and desire to read the introduction and first three chapters, click here. Kinda cool that you can get an idea – and some ideas – even if you don’t buy the book!

Next week, the blogging will pick back up. I promise. I just needed a little break…